REFERENCES REQUIRED continued.... New questions for my dating resume. See previous entry for an explanation. Are you laboring under the delusion that you are the first white Harlem Globetrotter in 50 years? Do you wear a man purse? Are you gay and using me as a hot, sexy cover up for your familial and professional lives? Do you secretly go home and play on the computer with gay men? Can you describe in ten words or more the essence of the color mustard? Do you have a hairy back? Is your back hair so thick I have to brush it out for you? Did you get into college by signing your name with a crayon? Do you pretend to be a Hollywood movie producer to get girls to talk to you? Will you offer to "blow me all night?" Is your definition of buying a girl dinner asking her to pay for the pizza? Do you groom your eyebrows with an industrial size lawn mower? Do you number and name your facial expressions for photo shoots? Do you shop with your mother for her underwear? Do you think this is normal behavior? Do you claim to be famous in your home country? Have you ever been given the phone number 212-660-2245 by a girl you were hitting on? Would you have sex with 17-20 (you can't remember the exact number) girls in 16 days and think it's okay because you were in a foreign country at the time? Have you ever held an e-bay auction for a pair of sneakers that you pissed on? Are you working at the same job you've had since high school? Do you work as the deli boy in a non-unionized grocery store as a 25 year old? Do you engage in the recreational use of fire arms whilst upon the rooftop of your mother's house also while drunk, high, and in the buff? Do you swaddle yourself in canvas tarp, chain your hands behind your back, and don the look of Osama bin Laden for the purposes of amateur photography? Do you and all your brothers have the same first name? Is your idea of a dream house living in a trailer? Are you familiar with the concept of man breasts? Do you have any? Do you weigh less than 150 lbs? If so, seek professional help. Are your parents fuck buddies? Do you post any pictures of yourself online? If so, on a scale of 1-10, how naked were you in them? Would you let yourself be filmed having sex and then ask to see the videos later? Do you have any missing teeth, excluding wisdom teeth? If so, how many? Are the gaps in view when you smile? Do you cry more often than I do? Are your severe mood swings the result of a cocaine habit you've been hiding from me? Will you ask me to hold you while you sob incontrollably after a quality BJ? When we're getting intimate do you shamelessly shout things that will cause me to laugh so hard that it kills the mood? If we got into a fight would you threaten to call my boss to get me in trouble in order to get your way? Would you ever "jokingly" ask me to choke you during sex? Is your best friend secretly stalking me? Have you ever thrown up on yourself and then asked a girl back to your parent's house to hook up? Are you this guy?
Would you ever mail me your pubic shavings and a condom full of your jizz? Have you ever made sweet, sweet anal love to your prize golf clubs? Would you try to give me your cum-stained body pillow complete with holes as a present? | 
